Berlin's got Talent!!!

On one of my early morning Craigslist searches for work, I stumbled upon a listing for an old school Talent Show. I thought "shit, I've got talent, what the hell!" I emailed, several days went by as is the custom in Berlin and no response. One sleepy morning I opened up my email and had a response from John asking if I was on Youtube, I sent him my links and he decided I was worthy of his Talent Show.

Tuesday September 21, 2010. A date to go down in History. We met Marcus who works by the Berghain club (Infamous Techno Club, party from Friday night til Sunday morning if you want to) where the show was taking place. I met a really sweet electro singer named Fabio (I now have the name Fabio in my telephone!!) and together we found our venue. We meet John, he seems like a normal guy and we go through our sound check, he tells us to return at nine and the show should start around ten-ish.

I go kill some time and get ready for my piece, a of couple drag queens later, we come to the beginning of the show. We kick off with a drag act, she was great, she had incredible legs and didn't know the English lyrics to her song but we wont hold that against her because like I said, she had great legs. Next act was my new friend Fabio, this man can transform, he has a pink mullet which he wears quite well, pink contacts and the World's cutest electric blue leather shorts suit. Such lyrics for a such a sweet guy, I loved it. Another act and then it was me, I got a good response from the audience and one of the judges, but apparently it wasn't enough.

I'll spare the details of some acts but I will highlight the evening's most memorable moments.
A "Burlesque" act: A man covered head to toe in Tattoos comes on stage, smokes a ciggarette for an entire song, the next song, lights his flame resistant gloves on fire and plays with the flame, another song, strips down to his jock and gives a girl a very awkward lap dance with what I'd say was a very unattractive body. Good taste in music though, I'll give him that.
Woman giving head to a banana: Actually an interesting piece, she was very talented if you ask me. But wow, she gave a banana a blow job. She's a professional Theatre and Dance artist in town and I had one of her bananas, one of the unpeeled ones in the bunch.
Bald German bear singing songs about weightlifting, in German: Very big, very bald, shirtless man singing... no, shouting awful songs in German about weightlifting and some other equally silly stuff. He even has a CD, I think I'll make a CD.
Man with rose up ass: Stage name, "Raised by Trannies" on all fours, bumb facing us, pulls down his pants to reveal a beautiful red rose stuck up his bumb. Not covering any other bits might I add. The soundtrack was "he loves me, he loves me not..." he just plucked the petals off and then had a hissy fit on stage because the rose ended with "he loves me not". Talent? = 0 Insanity? = 11

No wonder I didn't win...

But it wasn't all for naught, I got an offer to perform in an all Women's show in November and a Cafe owner wants me to be her act I also made four friends. Fabio, Annika, Caroline and Francisco. I think I'll sign up for the next one.